k, so, I've been trying to deny that I've been in a bad spot for a while, for whatever reason. Depression and all that isn't new to me, so I'm not sure why I haven't been letting myself acknowledge that, but it is what it is. Anyway, I think by acknowledging it I'll be better able to move on from it, if that makes sense. I should have included this bit in my last post. It probably would've made a little more sense. It should also clarify a bit of what I've been bitching about here, or maybe kind of explain it.
Everything I'm going through rn is affecting the way I process any information I receive, be it social stuff or anything really. Like earlier I was trying to do a duty, but found myself getting very upset because for whatever gods damned reason I kept targeting friendly NPCs and I'm like what am I doing? Why am I doing this to myself? I set up my target filters and I still target friendly NPCs! I find myself fighting the targeting system, the camera, and then myself while doing duties sometimes. Does that make sense? Is anything I'm saying making any sense at all? More than anything I hate being misunderstood, but I can't always properly explain myself. At any rate, maybe I'll be able to get on with it and start feeling better soon. I have gotten all my prescriptions filled again, so that should help, plus I've allowed myself to admit that I've been in an extended depressive episode for some time now, so that should help too.
If nothing else, I do realize I probably sound ridiculous in these blog posts. Used to I'd do this shit on Reddit, but since I'm taking a break from "that" place right now and since this game is what i've been doing this month, I felt that this place was appropriate enough a spot to dump all this shit. I swear that if I ever decided to compile all the shit I've put on the internet from my various spots I've posted, I'd damn near have a memoir written. I can go allllll the way back to being a 12 year old on Livejournal. Actually I could go slightly further back, since I still have my journals from elementary school. Thats about 30 years of my writing right there. I'm going to try to do things to put myself in a better mood and hopefully it'll start to work. I guess if nothing else I'm at least not drinking. I've got about 9 months under my belt, so thats good, its a start. Thats something I was able to accomplish at least. I'm gonna go, but I'm going to try to let myself feel some pride about that fact. I'll get better.
Change your targeting conditions in the settings so that you don't accidentally target NPCs.
