I realized I didn't mention Lyse's handiwork last time. The braids, specifically--the length was a tonic, of course and
...And it's just so minor. It's important, but it's not. Cutting it before felt significant at the time, but compared to everything else, it really isn't. Short hair didn't keep me from the carnage--I don't need long hair to dive into it.
Even so, as petty as it may be....it felt right. The same way the fantasia did, the same way my armor does.
That's ironic, now that I think of it--the armor. I've worn it since I learned to move properly in it, but it's mine alone, a simulacrum of my own making. It's not Fray's, I'm not Este....and yet, it's "right".
But I'm getting distracted.
Letting myself get distracted.
Because the alternative is running through what I know again. Putting together a picture when I know fragments were hidden from me. When things add up to the impossible a second time, it's not impossibility, it's just the conclusion.
It doesn't scare me--it's "normal" now, like the notes you take on all the tasks we need to do (and did you really think I wouldn't recognize your handwriting?). I know you're only looking out for me, that you won't try to cross a line again, that you've only always been looking out for me.
But it doesn't make my head spin any less.
Godeheard wasn't expecting me, for instance. And he didn't mention the letter. And then the convoluted route the letter took....you knew I'd follow it back.
You left it unsigned, left its fate to the mercy of those we've helped....but you knew it would reach its destination, and I'd retrace its path. You even set up a "sender", though I can't for the life of me figure out how you knew about Godeheard.
Hells, I can even imagine what you told Gundobald--that you were asked to get the letter to Ala Mhigo, but were needed elsewhere, or that it wasn't time-sensitive and
Oh gods, you told him the truth, didn't you? He knew the contents of the letter. He was the only one that knew.
You're a godsdamned handful sometimes, Este--you and Myste. I wouldn't give you up for anything, though.
It's funny how perfect the timing was, now that I think of it. Godeheard's flowers aside--that seems more like chance, or "fate" if you're more romantic--I needed this reunion. This reminder.
I've barely crawled out of a smoldering wreckage of morality, and there's already another fireball on the horizon. And in the middle of the smoke and debris--you and your letter, parting the haze, revealing the path. How did you put it again? Ah yes--"off you trot".
One foot in front of the other, just like always. You make things simple again. Straightforward. There's a path, and so we will walk it. "Good" and "Evil" don't matter--we will walk. I suspect it's a different path than Sidurgu's, but it's ours, and we'll go together.
I don't know when I'll see you again--I finally mostly figured out that trick Myste does, but I agree it's not you. Still, I'll wait--in the cold, in the snow, in the dark.